"67th Golden Globes" A Guest Article by Bryan Peterson

on Sunday, January 17, 2010

First off, let me get this out the way, I'm fucking angry, I'm don't know the specifics of what I'm angry about, but I feel it and I'm going to run with it. Maybe I haven't been paying attention, but have the Golden Globes always been for sale? We all know there are purchased awards of all varieties, but they usually slip by unnoticed. The Golden Globes tonight were more awkward than the christmas dinner where your cousin announced she's eloping with your uncle, but they stayed for turkey first. Ricky Gervias pretty much held his title as "the worlds biggest guy who just doesn't give a fuck", and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It's like if Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa with human feces and had a chuckle to himself when people 'ooed' and 'awwed' at it. Truly a masterful and perfectly executed act of douche baggery. He said fuck you to the people who needed to hear it most, and those who got it, got it, and those who didn't can fuck themselves.

I have gotten a little off track. What I really wanted to talk about was a brief off hand comment Gervais made right in the beginning, a comment about buying the Golden Globes. People laughed and it was no big deal, but as the night went on it was almost like there was an odd fog in the room. It was a knot in the pit of everyone's stomach, that you couldn't shake. There were a few awards that went by and you thought "Huh! didn't  see that coming" but they could have slithered by, no real discrepancies. The big "saaayy whhaaat!" moments of the evening happened around the end. When you look at the the movies that came out this year, there are some good ones, but for some reason the movie "The Proposal" ended up in the gripping compelling story pile. It didn't win, but its weird it was even nominated. It's a real "one of these things is not like the others" situation, that statement is purely opinion, but I think you know what I mean. When Sandra Bullock took the best actress award that's when people in the crowd started looking around the room with an odd feeling, it was like they were looking for a smell of undetermined origin. She even asked "who bought me this award?" What she was talking about was beating out "Precious" star Gabourey Sidibe. Actors don't buy their own awards (that is, if they're bought) actors have a lot to gain from an award, but there are people with a lot more to gain from the actor in their movie getting an award. 

By far the most clearly uncomfortable moment of the night was "Avatar" taking best picture. There once again was a list of compelling possible canidates for best picture, but "Avatar" took it. When the camera panned around the room, no one was smilling, few people were clapping, everyone had this off putting disoriented look on their face like they were not sure what happened, and as James Cameron spilled his heart to the audience about how honored he was, they were not listening. There was a loud chatter amongst the crowd that could not be drowned out. It was like "Avatar" winning that award to the actors was like telling a bunch of kids there is no Santa. It was like saying none of this matters, the awards are nothing but a sticker they can stick on a DVD to sell more. 


Anonymous said...

Here hear....I love this review. I didn't watch it. I never watch Golden Globes or Oscars, because I've felt those award shows were bought since I was a teenager in the 90's. I can't wait to see the backlash of hollywood, it's starting to look like there might be that change we talked about coming sooner than later.

Post a Comment